Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
