Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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