the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
