The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I will be naked everywhere
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
