this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You are a genius and a whore.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
