who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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