I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
