I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
