My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
