Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
