I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
