Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
