At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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