Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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