I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
