Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
