fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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