i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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