wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
