at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
