I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
