Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i out mim tonsoeep
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
