we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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