I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
