The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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