I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
