I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
