WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
