is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
