Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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