Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize