never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
