It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
