the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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