Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
