Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize