I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
