I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
