i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
