In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
