The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
