garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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