My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
