Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
