I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
