Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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