Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
