a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
