fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
