yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
