white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
