that's an acceptable place to lick
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize