Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
