i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize