it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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