Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think your dad took our porno
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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