Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
