You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
