beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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