i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
