Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
