I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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