Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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