He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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