my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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