Are we in a gay sports bar?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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