I'm going to jail i love you
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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