Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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