I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
