I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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