Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
