i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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