the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
