I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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