I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
