when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i now understand why vodka
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
