Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
