Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
