I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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