He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
