You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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