The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize