We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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