I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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