Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize