he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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