just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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