i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
