I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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