I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
