just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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