you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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