And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
