Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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