She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
