he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
