A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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