I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
