You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
