Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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