Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i came on her dog
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
