"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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