the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
